s.i.a.n

I'm so sick of life sometimes. Especially ever since I started teaching. Teaching is a job that I told myself as a young gal that I wanna do. and never did it occur to me that it was not easy after all. It's not so simply of just moulding the young of the future. It's not just by being a responsible and hardworking teacher, you would be recognised and rewarded.

I began to realise this once I started my contract teaching. It was hell. I was pushed to do what a trained teacher would do. I knew NUTS about teaching, I was taking over a teacher on maternity leave. I was given 38 periods, double science classes, 1 notorious class where 10 teachers warned me about it b4 I even stepped into the class. It was soooo serious that I opened my mouth for the first time in my life and admitted that I couldn't cope. Then I was given abit lighter load. Imagine the one sitting beside her kept pin pointing what I've done to her good friend's class and desk and everything basically. Then, a 'policewoman' who watched over wat I did everyday and reprimanded me for wat I'd done wrong. I felt so shit. I even cried in the toilet. haiz.. why even in the teaching world there are such mean people? I dont get it.. I really cannot imagine what kinda values will these people inculcate to the young...

Well, just as I thought I was out of this living hell. I went straight into another. In the NIE (National Institude of Education) was a training ground for me for 2years. In that 2 years, I made many many good friends. However, as we were pressed to do many assignments and presentations etc, some people disclosed and exposed their 'tails'. Some pretended to be busy, some did sub standard work, some couldn't be bothered, some MIA (missing in action). As an adult, you see it happening to you yet you cannot react it in a childish way (like wat we used to be in poly). All I could do was to do it myself and let others get the credits. Sighz...why teachers are like that too? What are there teachers who are selfish, irresponsible etc?

Posted to this school since 2004. Then I experienced the real life of being a teacher. I was packed with school work (teaching P3) but I still enjoyed myself as there were nice colleagues with me. Life was bearable until...

People like to gossip. Im perfectly fine with gossip. Just that if gossips were to meant to hurt people, rather than spreading of news, then I guess such kinda gossips are redundant. When I started to be in P1 last year, I could sense the culture in school changed a bit. I guess properly becuz my dear ex p and vp were very amiable to the lower primary teachers (like me kelly etc) so there were several green with envy. Well, since we were the happier lot of people, people perceived us as being too free, doing nothing. I feel thats shit as you shouldnt mix personality into work. I can be very busy but I remain positive. Why can't they join in and be merry!?

Now you must be wondering why I raked up the past and talked about it. Just today, someone came and told me to be careful with what I speak (in staffroom), then my p came and told me about being careful esp in front of parents as I scold my kids. Then when I was trying to keep the kids quiet in hall, another soul came to say 'mike too loud'. arghh... and before then, colleague A told colleague B something which colleague A said based on my personality I shouldnt know about it. =_=" So readers, tell me what's wrong with my personality? Or maybe is the culture of the school really changing and something is REALLY wrong...

School is no longer like AiYoYo times of school anymore. In schools nowaday, everything seems so corporate-like. School culture changed ever since my P and VP left the school. Evil people are around and they gave u this kinda f**k face that you know they obviously dislike you! Hey! somemore I greeted them happily and even smiled at them. What kinda attitude is this rite? Talking about BEING A TEACHER! argHHH.... I cannot imagine myself working in such an environment where people are watching over you and crititise about what you did behind your back. The thought of such ppl make me sick.. I really feel like leaving. I dont wan to suffer.. why should I?

But is the same every where. =(

****since when teaching is so complicated?****